Anymore

The feeling of emptiness comes when you cannot communicate yourself anymore. You can’t say the right words. You can’t turn inspired thoughts into words. You can’t cry nor laugh as hard as you used to do. Fear of revealing too much has taken its toll.

But why? Why nurse the fear? Is it the fear of letting go of the fear?

You get the feeling that people can’t connect with you because you can’t connect with them in the first place. That’s when you start feeling lonely, which is the most ironic thing in this world considering the countless people living in it.

Empty. Lonely. What more can you ask for?

Can’t write. Can’t dance. Can’t cry. Can’t talk. Can’t connect.

How unfortunate it is to thirst in such a barren desert.

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Effed Up

In case anyone (still) cares, I’m not okay (reason/s not to be divulged). I had a major breakdown in the office, which went on the moment I woke up on Saturday morning. Which was followed by bitch fits until Sunday evening. And no amount of pampering or shopping can take “nega” off my whole system.

Just to give an idea, again if anyone (still) cares, I cut my hair. Again. After merely two weeks. I’m not actually a fan of the “I’m depressed hence I’ll cut my hair” drama but when I can’t blame anyone anymore for my misfortunes, I turn to my poor hair.

Now, my hair exudes the very definition of “minimal” (as shown below):

Rihanna's super short bob

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The Only Constant Thing

… is hairstyle change!

When hit by serious bouts of boredom or compelled by countless bad hair days, I’d scamper my way to the salon and have my crowning glory re-done. I’d so willingly welcome any hairdo my impulse would dictate (thanks to my oval face that succumbs to any style).

I’ve almost tried everything. Permed or straight, super short or waist-long, shaggy or bob, yada yada. Only thing I haven’t tried yet is zero hair (or baldness).

For the past 6 months, I’ve had 3 do’s (making it one new look per 2 months), as illustrated by the following:

Do #1:

Straight hairPlainly black and straight.

Mine was a bit shorter than Ms. Hudgens’ but it was almost like that. No bangs, no layers, no colors. Just straight and black. I had my hair straightened out since college senior year up to the time I started working. Until I got bored with it and put on a bit of a twist.

DO #2:

Layered hair with bangsLayered hair with straight-across bangs

My weekly visit to Video City for the DVD of “Devil Wears Prada” triggered this style. I suddenly wanted to have Andrea’s (Anne Hathaway) hairdo. Plus I really felt for her as a neophyte in the corporate world. So might as well complete all the “can relate” stuff with her look (minus the Jimmy Choos and Prada).

But then again, after a couple or so months, I got bored. So…

DO #3:

Mid-length and side swept bangsMid-length hair with side-swept bangs

I left my hair to the hands of John, the bading who cut my hair. In all fairness, he really knew what to do. Plus, he fixed my growing bangs, which at that time, got so confused as to which direction it would take (from straight, should it go side-swept or remain covering my eyes the whole time?). With that, I gave him my biggest tip to date: 100 bucks.

However, a month later, my hair went bonkers. It’s always been unkempt regardless of the amount of brushing I’d give it. It was no longer straight. It suddenly had a life of its own. Hence, this afternoon, I decided to let it go (at least most of it). This is how my hair exactly looks like now:

DO #4:

Katie HolmesThe Bob

I originally planned on having more of a Rihanna bob with longer hair in the front. But Chris, the bading who bobbed my hair, cut it short before I could even protest. Nonetheless, I love it! :)

Offtopic: I told myself that this year, I’d start leaving the safe zone and explore the turf of the radical. 2009, here’s my very first act of leaving the safe zone.

Hmm, I wonder what the next will be.

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Welcome 2009!

HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

One good thing about New Year’s Day is having a cellphone in resurrection that’s actively beeping every now and then with greetings. Every year, I save messages which I find witty and personal. For this year, those who have made the cut are coming from two people:

1.) my college blockmate and friend Tricia, who sure knows how to make me ROFL:

This coming new year, may you be showered with boys, or be showered by boys, or be with boys in shower. Basta many boys and many showers!

and,

2.) our Finance Manager:

More BizDev from Tinapie! Happee New Year!

Walang palya. He really wishes “more BizDev” no matter what the occasion is. LOL.

I can’t remember when I last made my own list of New Year’s Resolutions. I just don’t believe in it anymore. A lot of people have already committed blunders on their promises. I see no point in joining the bandwagon. Not that I see promises as equivalent to “not coming true.” I just don’t want to make my own list of disappointments along with jumping 12 times and wearing polka dots.

However, I yield to the irrational- superstitions. While they don’t pose any logical nor scientific basis, they’re way better than resolutions. If they don’t come true, I can always say they’re hoax to begin with. There’s nothing and no one to blame! There’s no reason to feel disappointed! A happier retrospection for me at the end of the year!

So I looked forward to a fresh start doing the following on New Year’s Eve:

1.) Wearing a red halter polka dot dress I got for 50% less of its original price. It then follows that I can look forward to 50% off purchases all year round.

2.) Hailing my room with coins and my bed with peso bills, bills, bills. In connection, tapping myself with 1000 bills the way bazaar (“tiangge”) vendors will fan their goods with cash coming from their buena mano customers. Does it mean I’ll be frequenting bazaars the whole year?

3.) Opening my calling card wallet so that cards=new businesses for our company will come in nonstop. Our finance manager beamed at this brilliant idea.

4.) Shouting “Boyfriend! Boyfriend! Boyfriend!” as soon as the clock hit twelve. At 12:05, I lost my voice.

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Oink Drama

I love the holidays for all the lazing away. For all the DVD marathons. For a reunion with Zafra and Grisham. For get-togethers with friends and endless reminiscing of high school/college days. For burning phone lines and eventual burnt red ears. For daily blog updates and bloghopping. For the zilch stress it brings. And for the food, tons and tons of them, devoured in one sitting, well usually.

Unfortunately, holiday doesn’t love me back. For everytime I reunite with people I don’t see on a daily basis, one statement makes me feel its blatant hostility. One statement, and my world crumbles into snippets of crushed ego. If I were to group these people together in front of me, they can all say in unison,

“ANG TABA MO.”

Not that I’m totally unaware of it. How can I be when after merely three days of buying skinny jeans, it suddenly wouldn’t fit me regardless of all the pulling? When no matter how I keep my arms away from my body, they still appear like baseball bat in pictures? When, when… okay so much for self-mortification.

Gist is, if you see a person getting fatter and fatter by the minute, don’t ever think that she doesn’t know of it. Because she does! In these times of crisis, the value of euphemism comes in handy. It’d really be so much if people will just use a tad creativity in expressing the aforementioned, in more diplomatic and subtler terms. Or better yet, just zip it, unless of course some validation is needed.

I ask myself, where have I gone wrong? Where has it all started?

Then I found out, I thought I was excused. I never thought it could happen to me. I believed I have super fast metabolism that exempts me from all the oink drama. But nooo! I said hello to the deadly combination of food-food-food! + daily siesta + zero exercise. Tsk tsk.

But I know it’s not the end of the world! There’s still hope! It’s never too late! I can survive this!

In fact, I’ve made so much plans with friends to engage in physical stuff when work resumes. I’ll jog with Meryll who has just bought a pair of running shoes so there’ll be no reason not to jog anymore. That’s over and above our plan to enroll in yoga or dance classes, whichever comes first. Plus, I’ll really bug my officemates with our hiphop abs plans which we’ve been planning since November. I’ll do everything (that I can afford)!

Just to get rid of all these fats and humongous pata

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Whew!

And so they’ve spoken up!

ABS-CBN: No truth to Web rumors of “Twilight” adaptation
29 December 2008
abs-cbnNEWS.com

ABS-CBN Broadcasting Corporation said there is no truth to the Internet buzz about the company doing a local version of the hit movie/novel “Twilight”.

Click here for more.

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Fame (or lack thereof)

Last time I checked, my stat counter had 2,930-something on it last night. It’s 11:19 AM now and my blog has 2,969 hits. Meaning, 30-ish people have dropped by in half a day. Wow.

Just when I was starting to feel all appreciative and hyped up with the thought that I must have written so well that readers continue to come over and follow my posts, I found out in my referrer list that it’s one name, not mine, that has driven people into my blog.

Robert Pattinson.

Not my writing. Not my topics. Not avid readers. But Robert Pattinson.

People search for Robert Pattinson, Robert Pattinson sexy, Robert Pattinson hair, even naked boys sexy via Google/Yahoo! and they land on my blog! I never thought that a mere mention of Robert Pattinson could be that great of a blog-magnet.

So keep mentioning Robert Pattinson to spur blog hits!

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WTF?!

Twilight ripoff

Uhm, yucch.

I know that a lot of people have gone gaga over Twilight, thanks to Edward Cullen, primarily, and Bella. I know that Cathy Garcia-Molina has been successful with her kilig and truly palpable movies, i.e. One More Chance and A Very Special Love. And I know for a fact that ABS-CBN is notorious for its rip-offs, i.e. Tabing Ilog for Dawson’s Creek and Munting Paraiso for 7th Heaven.

But, come on. Don’t burst the bubbles of Twilight fans by coming up with a ripoff that quickly! At least wait for sometime before all the yelping and bedlam subside. Timing is key here people.

Or better yet, backoff (okay now I sound like a threatening politician). Just abandon all plans of such a corny ripoff and we’ll all pretend that nothing happened. I’m sure even Perez Hilton will cooperate just to make sure that no such thing will exist (click here for his entry on Takipsilim).

Else, managers of Rayver and Shaina better be ready for the meltdown of their talents’ careers.  This is an impending career carnage, believe you me.

Speaking of…

Did you know that Robert Pattinson does not wash his hair? Well it’s kinda yucchy. But let’s admit, his hair is one of the coolest and hottest in Hollywood. So it’s forgivable.

Until he recently cut his hair.

why robert why

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Season’s Greetings to all of you! :)

Merry Christmas!

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The best part of my job is…

After spending lengthy hours researching and drafting proposals, having it deconstructed and reconstructed, and finally presenting it to the prospect, is receiving an email saying:

“Congratulations! We are awarding you the PR services for 2009.”

And getting two of those in a day.

It’s definitely a happy Business Development day! :)

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